Alright. It’s time to get comfy and this is going to be a good long read…

I never planned on ever losing a job in any sense of the word. I never wanted to be fired, let go or laid off. The goal was to always make sure I had an upward progression. I believed that “if you are the best and bring your best then the best intentions will be bestowed on you”. Well, that isn’t always what happens no matter how good you are or want to believe you are.

When I first realized that I was going to be laid off in both situations – I was beside myself. I was at the mercy of those that made the decision, and I was not comfortable with it and to be honest I felt there was a definite bias to who stayed and who didn’t. The anger of the helpless feeling it left me with made me feel so empty. When the words first sank in – I remember feeling like I should be able to fight this ugly thing happening to me, but the decision was made, and it was final. I kept thinking why isn’t there more I could do to stop this “thing” from happening to me? Why is this happening to me? Why didn’t they do their job better? Why was I expected to do everything so perfectly and excellently to only be left HERE?

I was laid off twice in 3 years both from non-profits and both because of a lack of funding. The first lay off, I was lucky enough to find another role within a week of my lay off taking affect at the height of the pandemic. I considered myself lucky that I found something. My second lay off, I didn’t have that same opportunity. I was informed and two days later I was no longer attached to a cause that I deeply believe in and still do. Once the anger subsided enough for me to feel like myself, I could gather enough self-reflection to begin to process. I could start to accept that it wasn’t what I wasn’t doing but more about what the decision makers of the organization did not do to protect itself.

I found myself exploring and finding ways to play throughout my days. Workout challenges, recipes, tap dancing, wood carving, candle making, even developed my green thumb. I found ways to work here and there and earn some money to get by, but it was in no way going to sustain me. My restless nature would kick in and I began to wonder what I was doing with my life. The imposter syndrome crept in, made itself quite comfy some days. I started participating in workshops and virtual engagements, but I had lost my focus in what they were sharing. I didn’t know why I was there for, when it wasn’t leading me towards a fulfilling and mission driven cause. I needed to find my purpose so that I could find my direction.

The question “if you could do anything and had no obstacles towards that goal, what would it be?” kept rolling around. I’ve never had an answer that fell into place. Years ago, I thought it was medical school or something in healthcare. I was and am still very interested and take to healthcare quite easily. I started off with an interest in becoming a nurse but had 2 small boys at home. I was not comfortable going back to school and starting a nursing career while not having extra hands at home. I also knew I did not want to miss any time with my boys. I satisfied my interest by becoming a lab assistant, then medical assistant, and finally a Clinic Manager. Each step had me feeling like I was hitting a peak and boredom would set in. I decided to leave the medical field to finally obtain my undergraduate degree. That was a journey all on its own. I went through many iterations of what I wanted to major in and finally settled in on Leadership and Organizational Studies with a specialization in Public and Non-Profit Management. I wanted to return to healthcare but at that point my family needs still outweighed my career needs. When an opportunity arose that worked for my family’s needs and my career it was in education. Then when my son graduated, he turned to me and posed a version of the question “what is my dream?”. At this point, I still had no idea what my dream was, but I explored several options, organizations and industries chasing the idea of what the dream could be.

Fast forward to finally seeing and acknowledging my own potential. Applying all the same advice I had been giving so many for years kept reverberating within me. When I stopped and listened that is when I realized my dream had been intensifying this whole time. Its volume grew to the point that I could not ignore what I was hearing within my spirit. It was shouting – along with so many of my loved ones … YOU ARE A LIFE COACH!!!